flagrant foul

I was recently in Olympia, Washington.  This is the capitol of Washington State.  For those of you who have never been to Olympia, it’s small and clean, like Reese Witherspoon.

I had never been to a State Capitol Building before, so I went in and checked it out. It’s a huge, opulent building.  To my surprise, I was able to walk right in without being frisked or searched. I’m pretty sure I could have blown it up.  Granted, I didn’t look suspicious.  I didn’t have a giant hiking bag and a beard – but if you screen people like that, you’re dealing with half of the granola-eating population of the Northwest, so I’m assuming it’s pretty easy to walk in there with explosives.

Anyway, I had no desire to deface the building; I was just expecting some, or any, kind of security.

I noticed a water fountain. I figured that, since was in the State Capitol Building, the drinking water must be impeccable.  I took a drink. Very disappointed.  Leady and warm.  A beautiful, expensive building, with giant Mount Rainier right outside (a water source) and they can’t get decent water.  Amazing.

I went into the bathroom even though I didn’t have to go.  It seemed inappropriate to have bathrooms in such a nice building.  They should put them outside.  Now, normally I don’t condone defacing property with acts such as writing things in bathroom stalls.  It’s pathetic.  However, if there’s a time and place to do it, it’s in the State Capitol Building. Etching a penis or other lewd object into the marble of the Capitol’s bathroom is the meth-addict equivalent of climbing Mount McKinley.

I would never write anything in a bathroom stall, but I did, for the first time, admire the act.

I don’t know if the politicians were on vacation or what, but nobody was in there.  I went into their chamber room, where all of the politicians gather and socialize.  It was very heavily decorated, with wood, and things that looked like they were from twelfth century England.  It seemed like the only appropriate thing to do in the room would be to smoke a pipe while looking like an asshole and regurgitating something that Shakespeare said.  Perhaps this is why a lot of politicians are smug and condescending.  We have to give them a Denny’s to hang out in – let them get down to the level of the common man.

Anyway, as I left Olympia, to head onto a much more legitimate city, Seattle, my only thought was this:

Why isn’t the state capitol in Seattle?

These politicians come to work in this dumpy little town of Olympia, supposedly on a mission to represent the people.  Well, if the majority of the state’s people live in Seattle, why don’t they all meet up in Seattle?

Do you think they’re going to be thinking about what it’s like to live in the city while they’re stuck out in this hick town?  Why is traffic so bad in big cities?  Maybe because the people in charge of legislating it spend most of their time in a town with two cars on the street.

Why is there a giant colony of crackheads in downtown Seattle, making it nearly impossible to walk up 2nd Avenue without Michael Vick by your side?  Because the closest thing these representatives have to a crackhead in their po-duck town is the guy who sits in 7-11 reading the magazines for free.

Let’s get the representatives into the city where they belong.  I don’t want Los Angeles being run from Sacramento – a town dumb enough to be in California and not near the water.

Being a representative isn’t a ski-trip, it’s not a weekend retreat, it’s a job.  If you want to deal with the interests of the majority, go to where the majority of the people are.

It’s a very simple idea. Anyway, if you happen to be in Washington, I recommend checking out the Capitol Building.  It’s pretty cool.  Just don’t drink the water.

By Matt Ralston